Archives for category: random

It’s takes a lot to walk around with this smile I present in public whiling carrying my family & “friends” burdens on my shoulder daily…. Just need to revaluate some decisions I have made as far as my living status friends relationships etc… So that I can get my “happy” back ….. But I am and will always be ok…

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It’s been a while since I’ve been at the point of explosion and I try so hard not to get to this point. All my emotions are everywhere and I can no longer control them. It sucks to always make yourself available to everyone for anything and can never get that in return. I honestly don’t need half of what I give for others in return just an ear every now and again… I feel so drained and so pulled in every direction I can tell if I’m coming or going. But I guess what happens when you always trying to be concerned and protective of everyone you love and care about…..

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I have finally come to reality with the truth and can honestly say that I am not happy right now in life. I need to take control of my life and get my happy back.

Its funny how you make yourself available to a person and they have no time or interest…. But as soon as they notice that you have put your interest elsewhere now they have time……..

So if you want something or someone make it known…. Don’t wait for the right time cause the right time for you may end up being the wrong time for them.

I saw this topic on a friends blog so I decided to answer it for myself..

If I was a fly on the wall this is what I would say about myself..

1. I love my children with my whole heart.

2. I always put myself last when at times I need to be put first.

3. I’m not organized.

4. I’m too hard on myself.

5. I always try to find the good in people.

6. I always land on my feet no matter the obstacle.

7. I love hard.

8. I am shy.

9. I am a sweet heart until you cross me.

10. I am a true friend and will always be.

11. I am bad with managing money.

12. I will give my last and not let it be known.

13. I am very emotional.

14. I love food.

15. At times I think too much.

16. I miss out on a lot because I don’t say how I feel at times.

17. I make the happiness of others a priority too much.

18. I am very independent.

19. I love affection.

20. I have a warm heart…

Why do people lie?

Why do people feel it necessary to do hurtful things?

Why can the world be so cold at times?

Why is true love so hard to get in return?

Why can’t money buy happiness?

Why are people so heartless?

Why do people settle?

Why have I gone unnoticed?

Why must all good things come to an end in some type of way?

Why am I even asking these questions?

I think a feel major depressed mode coming upon me. I’m trying hard to fight it but I can’t. I’m not really really sure what is causing it. I am trying not to stress over things that are beyond my control. I don’t really want to interact with most people that I am normally around. Normally I start to over eat when I feel this way but this time I don’t really want food at times. I rather lay in bed and stare around or drive with no set destination most times. I tried music but most times it makes my thoughts more sad than before. I find myself crying for no reason. I know what some of the things that are making my heart heavy but I am still scratching my head about the rest. It’s becoming harder at times to smile. My emotions are so mixed up that I confuse myself. I have prayed about it for a while. I just don’t feel strong anymore I’m tired. I don’t even really care to here it will be ok because if so then when? My kids and a few others always seem to bring me joy but deep down I wonder what they really think of me is it really all positive?? I really don’t have too many to turn to truth is sometimes I wish I did.