Archives for category: love

It’s takes a lot to walk around with this smile I present in public whiling carrying my family & “friends” burdens on my shoulder daily…. Just need to revaluate some decisions I have made as far as my living status friends relationships etc… So that I can get my “happy” back ….. But I am and will always be ok…

A quick reflection...

It almost seems like this year is starting off just like 2012 did. On January 2, 2013 I received almost the same phone call I did on January 2, 2012. In 2012 my mom called me to tell me she had cancer. From that very moment my life has never been the same. I made it a point to put almost my entire life on hold to be there for her every need. From various ER visit, hospital stays, chemo, transfusions, radiation, surgeries, baths, massages, feedings, tears,bills, phone calls you name it I did it or assisted with it. It was hard to try to be strong in front of my mom my children and other family members but I managed. During one of my mothers first hospital stays I ran into a buddy of mine at Washington Hospital Center and found out that her mother was also in the hospital with Cancer also. And found out on a social network that she lost her mom during the holidays. I am so thankful that my mother is still alive and has got better and almost completely back to her normal self. Her illness really made our relationship stronger. It saddens me that the same day last year she called this year to tell me that the cancer may have came back in a different area. It was so hard to be strong during the phone call because I couldn’t understand why she has to even prepare to possibly deal with this again. After ending our phone call I became so upset wondering why God would do this to me…. Driving in tears and silence God began to talk to me and remind me that its not about me and that he gave me the easy task of being a support system for my mom and that he gave my mother the test because he knew she was strong enough in spite the fact that we “family” didn’t think so. I know God never places more on us than we can bare, but I don’t think I can handle this road again.

Its funny how you make yourself available to a person and they have no time or interest…. But as soon as they notice that you have put your interest elsewhere now they have time……..

So if you want something or someone make it known…. Don’t wait for the right time cause the right time for you may end up being the wrong time for them.

I saw this topic on a friends blog so I decided to answer it for myself..

If I was a fly on the wall this is what I would say about myself..

1. I love my children with my whole heart.

2. I always put myself last when at times I need to be put first.

3. I’m not organized.

4. I’m too hard on myself.

5. I always try to find the good in people.

6. I always land on my feet no matter the obstacle.

7. I love hard.

8. I am shy.

9. I am a sweet heart until you cross me.

10. I am a true friend and will always be.

11. I am bad with managing money.

12. I will give my last and not let it be known.

13. I am very emotional.

14. I love food.

15. At times I think too much.

16. I miss out on a lot because I don’t say how I feel at times.

17. I make the happiness of others a priority too much.

18. I am very independent.

19. I love affection.

20. I have a warm heart…

I love the excitement I get inside when my phone goes off and its a text, pic or call from you.

I love the thoughts that run thru my mind endlessly all day every day.

I love the way your body feels up against mine.

I love the soothing sound of your voice in my ear.

I love your smile

I love way it feels to be held close by you.

I love kissing you.

I love that you aren’t judgmental.

I love sitting on the phone talking to you for hours at a time.

I love how the small things mean a lot to you.

I love that family means so much to you.

I love that you are humble.

I love how your always on my mind.

I love your honesty.

I love that my children love you.

I love your affection.

I love that you are a beautiful person inside and out.

I love that you are so spoiled.

I love that you are supportive

I love your cookies… Lol

I love everything about you……

I know you been hurt in the past but guess what I didnt do it. I know you have had bad days at work because you argued all night. And I know sometimes just the thought of all the hurt and pain has made you cry and become so angry. But guess what I didnt do it. But I am willing to be your friend to listen and maybe even cry with you. I know how it feels to be hurt and to have to go on with your day like nothings wrong. I know how it is to try to hold back tears or emotions because you not in the right place to break down. But sometimes you just have to wear your emotions on your sleeve because its not healthy to hold all that inside. But just remember dont punish the ones who now have your best intrest at heart and want to see you smile. You are a beautiful person inside and out and I think it sucks what you went thru but what you going thru right now dont have to be bad. Stop turning around to see her behind you. Look forward and see me in front of you……A friend who truly care about you and hopes that you are completely happy one day real soon…..

Not everyone you love is going to love you back. That’s why it’s more important to love yourself more than anything.